YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She even gives head with a lisp.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
