mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the condom got lost in my hair
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just gift wrapped bread.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
