I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize