i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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