i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
