Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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