barbara walters just said penis...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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