I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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