Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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