walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
