Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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