Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Did you just see the Batmobile???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
