Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
