I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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