Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
