U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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