If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
love makes seman taste better
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize