Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
