I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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