The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
