I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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