I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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