I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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