Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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