i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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