you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize