i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
