Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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