Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
