There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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