sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize