WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
