dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
