I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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