No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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