What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Randomize
