Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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