Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
