Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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