I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
