My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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