I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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