I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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