you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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