I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
