just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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