weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
