More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
