i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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