She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
