Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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