just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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