i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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