i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
