he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
