Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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