I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
