I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
