wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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