I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize