no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
