I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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