I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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