Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
