You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
