Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
