cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
