dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
