I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
