I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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