I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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