I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
