I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize