You made me cry and you don't even care
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
