Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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