I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
