his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
