So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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