I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
