Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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