i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize