i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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