Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
