So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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