moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
