I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
