Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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