anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
