Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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