It's just like the Real World with babies
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
